(if you're in the northern hemisphere, that is!) and this is usually a time when a lot of fun is to be had. But if you're being a Hoover (or maybe we should call them Dyson's these days! LOL!) in your relationship; that's to say, you're sucking the life out of your relationship by being clingy.. you could be setting yourself up for a breakup! And no one really means for this clinginess to come about.. it just happens! You're excited! You can't wait to hear from them, to see them, to BE with them. And then comes the boys' or girls' night out and you start to feel upset because they should want to spend that time with you. Or they said they'd call or text you back, but didn't...
Relationships are TOUGH work! They are not the things of fairy tales or Hollywood romances. Though they can sometimes feel that way, it's not how it'll be 100% of the time! And there's a delicate balance that has to be maintained.. Otherwise you start to become that needy, over obsessed partner that your other half starts to wonder what the hell they are seeing you for! Which then starts bringing about doubts, maybe even arguments, and possibly even a break up! So how do you keep things in check?!
#1 - You have to realize that your better half is their own person. They will think, feel, and deal with things completely differently than you will. If you happened to see my post Happily Ever After Someday, or you check it after you read this, you'll see the pain scale graphic. EVERYONE experiences things differently, whether it be pain or love! Clinginess doesn't come about from feeling unappreciated or from there being a lack of love. It comes from not being understanding, from forming an over dependency and from being insecure.
#2 - You BOTH need your own space! You have your own likes and dislikes.. or you should anyways, because if you both like 100% of everything and think the same way.. that is going to get real boring, REAL quick! Everyone needs time to themselves to de-stress and unwind from the day. Even married couples aren't all up in each other's face 24/7, and if they are, it usually isn't because they're in love! And even then, it probably still wouldn't be 24/7!
#3 - You're a jabber jaw and s/he's not.. or maybe you just are like "just let me listen to you breathe on the phone while you.. play Xbox, write your thesis, pay your bills, etc."... It's O-K if you don't have hour upon hour gab sessions EVERY DAY. Hell, it's ok if you don't even talk every day!! It doesn't mean things are done and over or s/he doesn't care! It just means there were other things that needed done in their life!! Don't take it personal.. maybe they spent 4 hours on the phone at work (if that's something that's possible) and they just don't have it in them to talk! There could be a number of things... you don't have to make it about you.
#4 - Friends get in the way... or so it seems. This is going to be a huge one for some. Maybe you don't like the friends because they aren't motivated, or maybe they're the opposite sex! Either way, the friends were there BEFORE the relationship and just because you might not like them; doesn't mean they need to drop them like hot cakes! Being demanding is NOT attractive in any way, shape, or form. And if friends come into the mix AFTER the relationship is in place, you have to TRUST that your S.O. is smart enough to make decisions on who they want in their life! If you're feeling resentful because they have a life outside of you, then you'll need to take a look at where things are at within your own life and why you're feeling that your happiness is being dependent on them being around. It's all good to have your own friends, hobbies, and just general life to live!
#5 - Insecurity creeps in!! Alas, the night out occurs and you just KNOW a hookup is going to happen. Really?! If you have that little trust in this person, you might really want to consider WHY you are with them in the first place. Let's just say in a reverse situation that YOU'RE the one that out and all of a sudden this SUPER HOT cutie is striking up a conversation and you know their hitting on you... well, of course you could take them up on the offer. But you're happy in your relationship and you're able to keep the conversation while saying in your head, or maybe even saying, NO THANKS I'M TAKEN. Again, it's about trust. Just because you're talking to the opposite sex doesn't mean you're going to hop into bed with them!
#6 - Did we DTR?!? That is to say you are NOT just dating and it is a full fledged relationship! You don't have to ask if you're the S.O., you KNOW it. And don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean you sat down and said "oh so we're boyfriend/girlfriend now, right?". Sometimes it goes that way and sometimes it doesn't. But if you have to question it, then it's usually a safer assumption to step back and take the "dating" route rather than it being something serious. If you really want to know, then open up and communicate.. but that doesn't give you the option to get upset either if you thought things were serious and they thought things were casual. Dating doesn't mean that it's fair game though either and y'all can just go around being casual with everybody and anybody. Boundaries still need to be established... in this day and age STDs are a serious matter! You BOTH need to be responsible and be able to communicate what it is you're wanting from the relationship... no matter what stage it is in!
And though the pic is rather funny and MOST people (obviously there was one!) wouldn't consider something like that.. I have to say that one of the main reasons I posted this blog in the first place was because I had a smattering of sessions today that had distinct undertones of this very clinginess I've been talking about with this post! I thought it might be more important to share this before it becomes more apparent as summer approaches and these sorts relationships require some rescuing! So to summarize and to really make your relationship the most awesome-ist it can be...
*YOU are awesome! KNOW it, BE it! *Everyone is their own self! Be independent and understanding! *Appreciate the time you have together.. DON'T demand the time. *Don't try to overcompensate by giving too much! Maintain a balance of give and take. *TRUST and COMMUNICATE!
So.. I think I was able to cover everything in there on how NOT to be clingy! But I might not have.. Seriously, I have scribbles all over a notepad of things I was channeling today that it will probably take weeks to totally organize! But at least this is a good start!
But if you're still wondering where things stand within your relationship and you would like me to take a look at things for you, feel free to send me a message at my facebook page or my email and I'll be glad to help!
Be on the lookout for Tarotscopes! ;)